The Secret to a Deep and Fulfilling Sex Life

This can be challenging, and the answer to that is as specific as the couple, but here are some tips:

• Date night. You might have heard of this and thought it was corny, but if you want to keep romance and passion alive, keep dating your partner! Dates are times to catch up and stay in tuned with your partner’s world. This is key to any friendships. “Psst…the secret, remember.”
• Have moments through the day that you connect habitually, if only for a moment: a kiss goodbye before work, a kiss hello, make this one long and slow, a quick back scratch before sleep.
• Check-ins at the end of the day about how your days went.
• Going for a hike on the weekend.
• Watch a movie together once a month and talk about it.
• Cultivate a mutual hobby and do activities around this weekly or monthly.

You get the idea! Have activities and habits in your life together that cultivate closeness and friendship and the passion and romance in your life will thrive.

What makes sex exciting?

“What makes sex exciting is really the sense of someone allowing you into their life…it’s exciting because it’s permission.” – Alain de Botton (from an interview with Debbie Millman on Design Matters, 27 June 2016)

We know from the research that’s been done that a good sex life for a couple depends on how well the friendship is going lately. I’ve talked about how to keep passion alive before with consistent moments of connection (enter: Date Night!). What I love about Alain de Botton’s perspective here is that in the context of a long-term relationship, there are hundreds of ways to think about our connections as good foreplay. How do we let our partners into our lives? Are we intentional? Does it stop or have an expiration date? It certainly doesn’t have to! If we are keeping up our friendship, learning and exploring about one another, the excitement and permission never have to stop, they can deepen.