Now that a little bit of time has passed and we are settling into the New Year, it might be time to take a peek at that list of New Year’s Resolutions that you made on January 1st. Well, how’s it going? If you are like most of us, many of the items on your list are already forgotten or deemed unachievable. Whether your intention is to start a daily mediation practice, spend more quality time with your significant other or lose those last 5 pounds, we all start out with the best of intentions, myself included. According to the website StatisticBrain, over half of the New Year’s Resolutions made on Jan 1st are abandoned by Feb 1st.

Why is it so hard to stay on track with those resolutions and how can you get yourself back on track if you’ve already veered off?

1) Take a few deep breaths!

Stress gets in the way of us achieving goals and being our best selves. I don’t know about you, but when I look at a list of 10 big, life changing things that I “have to do” this year, the adrenaline starts to soar and my mind starts to race as I think, “how the heck am I going to do that?” The last thing that you need when making decisions about goals and positive change for the year is to have the “flight, fight or freeze” response kick in due to stress. Once that happens, our minds are not clear and any hope for success with our resolutions is abandoned as we enjoy a big piece of chocolate cake (or maybe that’s just me)! So, to start, relax a bit and take a few long deep breaths.

2) Set specific/measurable goals.

Most people really want to make positive changes in their lives but often the goals they set are overwhelming and too general, making attainment difficult. For example, saying “I want to spend more time with my significant other” is a great place to start but then the question is; what exactly does that mean and why is it important to me? Instead, how about saying something like this, “I am going to spend 10 minutes at the end of the day talking with my significant other about their day because I am genuinely curious about the events that took place for them and it makes me feel close and connected to them when we touch base at night.” Even if you only actually take these 10 minutes a few times per week, instead of daily, you are still doing what you originally set out to do in spending more time with your partner.

3) Do small things often.

Now you have a very specific plan in place that is doable and, more importantly, has meaning for you. But in the meantime, doing some of the behavior is better than doing none. So, introducing a new behavior can begin with doing the behavior some of time!

4) Stay away from all or nothing.

Watch out for this thought trap. This is when we think if we do not meet the goal perfectly, we should not do it at all. For example, “Since I did not take a walk today, I might as well forget walking as an exercise at all.” This can be the end of any practice to improve or change our behavior. Remember, doing some exercise in small amounts is better than doing none!

How is it going with your New Year’s and all those other “resolutions”? Keep these four tips in mind:

Take a few breaths before you start! Be specific and make your goals small and achievable, while keeping in mind the reasons “why” you want to accomplish the goal. It will give you a much better chance of making it happen. Little changes made daily or weekly, can lead up to big changes over the course of the year. One more thing is remind yourself is that this is not an all-or-nothing thing. If you deviant from your plan for a day, so what?

No need to dwell or beat yourself up. Just re-focus and get back on track the next day by remembering your “why” and sticking to your specific plan. Progress, not perfection is what moves us forward and helps us to achieve our goals!

by Annemarie Ragland, MA Marriage and Family Registered Associate at Therapy2Thrive Pleasanton