Bullying remains an enduring problem that youth face both in school and in the cyber world. What’s more, the anonymity of the cyberbullying can make that form of bullying especially brutal and constant as it has the ability to effect youth 24/7 with no breaks from the cruelty. Even though bullying is not a direct cause of suicide behavior in children and teens, bullying can make youth feel very isolated and alone. According to Hinduja and Patchin, (2018) youth are more likely to have an increase in suicidal ideation if they experience either school based bullying or online bullying but either alone does not increase suicidal attempts. However, youth who experience both types of bullying together have an exponentially higher likelihood of taking one’s life (Hindja & Patchin, 2018). 

Having worked with many youths over the years, I have explored the reasons as to why youth do not feel able to disclose about the bullying they face. Many youths reported that they do not want to talk about the bullying because:

• They do not want to be a “tattletale”.
• They do not want to get another person in trouble.
• The have felt embarrassed by what they were getting bullied about and are ashamed to share it.
• They are afraid they would end up in trouble because they shared.
• They are afraid that they did something they weren’t supposed to and now it is being used against them.

Adults – How to Listen:

Grown-ups should be open to listening to the youth’s story and to hearing the youth’s point of view, especially why they did not want to tell.

Be a tell-able adult; if you are worried the said youth will not come to you, here are some tips on how to listen:

• Reduce eye contact. Youth often feel less vulnerable if they do not have to be eye to eye with an adult.
• Brain storm about their ideas of how to approach the bully. Listen to understand versus trying to move to a solution before understanding the situation
• Work together on a plan of action
• Follow up on if the plan is working and if not, what options can be tried next.

Youths – How to Tell:

If you choose a friend, the second step is to go with the friend to a trusted adult, so that they can help you make a plan to stop the bullying and to help you find support.

If you are worried about talking to an adult here are some tips on how to do it:

• If the first person you tell doesn’t listen, tell someone else.
• Pick a neutral time and place, sometimes car rides can help it feel less intense, just make sure there is enough time to have the whole converstation
• Explain why you are hesitant to share, for example:
  • You are worried they will over react
  • You are worried they will take your electronics
  • You are worried you will get in trouble
  • You are worried that they will make the situation worse
  • You are worried that they will make you confront the bullies
  • And/or express whatever other worries you have
• Tell them it’s hard for you to share so it would help if they would listen without interrupting.
• Tell them what you want them to do, i.e. take action or just listen. If you are not sure what to do, ask the adult to work with you on developing a plan of action.
• Be prepared to show them what’s been happening so that they will understand.
• Lastly, if you don’t have an adult you feel comfortable talking to, ask to go to therapy or seek out your school counselor where what you share will be held in confidence.*

How Can Telling Help:

• It can relieve you from feeling isolated and alone.
• Helpers are often able to give you some ideas about how to deal with it and support you when you are being hurt.
• Bullying tends to only get worse and become more harmful to you, so you will want someone on your team.

*Therapy is confidential expect if there are serious threats to you or someone else’s safety.

Hinduja, S. & Patchin, J. (2018). Connecting Adolescent Suicide to the Severity of Bullying and Cyberbullying. Journal of School Violence. 1-14. 10.1080/15388220.2018.1492417.