As a Therapist in Pleasanton and Mother of 3, I know how important the role of parenting is and how rewarding it can be. I also know it can provide some of life’s most challenging situations. I work with parents to bring structure, connection and happiness back into the home. Here are five tips to help you navigate through your parenting challenges and deepen your connection with your child:

1. Take care of yourself:

You can’t take good care of yourself if your tank is on empty. Schedule fun or relaxing time for yourself like taking a walk, taking a hot bath, having a night out, enjoying nature, so you can recharge your battery to have enough energy to be your children’s biggest cheerleader.

2. Focus on positives:

Children want to hear what they do well, so tell them! Focus on their positive and repeatable behaviors (quiet hands, awesome picker uppers, responsible checker inner’s, fantastic sharers about their day, etc.) rather than non-specifics like “Good Job!” Most children are concrete thinkers which means noting specifics to what they are doing and why that behavior is what you prefer is helpful and they will proudly show you more.

3. Choices:

Whenever possible give your children a few options. It empowers them and increases their self-confidence. This also gives them many opportunities to practice decision making before those really big decisions have to be made during their teen and adult years. If getting dressed is a battle say, “It’s time to get dressed. Do you want to wear the red shirt or blue shirt?”

4. Expressing & Validating your child’s feelings:

Acknowledging and naming your child’s feelings tells your child that you care and are listening. Say something like: “Looks like you feel frustrated with that toy right now! Can I help you?” or “Sounds like you’re feeling sad? Let’s talk!” Then listen to their response and continue to encourage them to express their feelings. When you listen to your child, you can really get to know them on a deeper level. The connection you will have with your child will grow and benefit you both for the future.

5. Consistency:

Simply stated, “say what you mean and mean what you say”. It’s important that you and your partner are consistent with the rules and limits in your home. Being consistent means setting and maintaining boundaries, coming up with rules that make sense to both the children and parents and then following through with consequences when necessary. Consistency and follow through helps children feel emotionally safe and gives them a secure foundation because they know what to expect. When everyone in the family knows the limits and boundaries, it reduces tantrums and yelling while creating more harmony in the home.

You are your child’s first teacher, why not show them how to love, respect, and care for others? When they grow up, they will pass all you taught them onto the next generation (your grandchildren), which will have ripple effects for future generations to come. They will know how to communicate clearly, express their feelings and have healthier relationships. I use these tips everyday with my own children and have seen success, now you can too!