Valentine’s Day All Year ‘Round: Creating and Maintaining Romantic Rituals

By: Leslie Baker, MA, MFT 

Creating and maintaining romantic rituals can enhance, sustain, and build deeper and more meaningful relationships in couples. Couples create meaningful rituals by sharing with each other what is important to them. Make time to sit down with my partner to discuss what rituals are currently shared in the relationship and what new rituals can be created. Listening to each partner’s needs and integrating those needs into the ritual development can assist in the creation of satisfying rituals. When establishing a ritual it is important to be specific: What would you like to have as a ritual? How will you carry it out? When will you participate in the ritual?

Valentine’s Day comes once a year but couples can create and maintain a meaningful connection throughout the year by practicing their own special rituals on a regular basis. Whether it’s going on a date night once a week or sharing a cup of coffee and the newspaper in the morning or going to the farmers market every Saturday, rituals help us develop closeness and create shared meaning in my lives. Consider creating a day of “love” beyond this Valentine’s Day!

References

Bruess, C. J. S., & Pearson, J. C. (1997). Interpersonal rituals in marriage and adult friendship. Communication Monographs, 64, 25-46.

Bruess, C. J. S., & Pearson, J. C.(2002). The function of mundane ritualizing in adult friendship and marriage. Communication Research Reports, 19, 314-326.

Canary, D. J., Stafford, L., Hause, K. S., & Wallace, L. A.(1993). An inductive analysis of relational maintenance strategies: Comparisons among lovers, relatives, friends, and others. Communication Research Reports, 10, 5-14

Pearson, J. C., Child, J. T. and Carmon, A.,2008-05-22 “Rituals in Dating Relationships: The Development and Validation of a Measure” Paper presented at the annual meeting of the International Communication Association, TBA, Montreal, Quebec, Canada Online . 2010-01-23 from http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p232769_index.html

For more information on Marriage and Couple issues, contact Leslie Baker Marriage and Family Therapist in Pleasanton for consultation.

by Jill Elaine Hughes a discussion with Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist Pleasanton

When you’re busy juggling work, school and raising a family, having a vibrant social life is probably the last thing on my mind. But socializing and maintaining friendships is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. Here, five expert tips on how to stay plugged into the social scene despite competing demands:

Put social events on my calendar.

“Make a point to fit social activities into my schedule each week like [you do] any other task or appointment,” says Leslie Baker, a licensed marriage and family therapist and area chair in the master’s in counseling program at the University of Phoenix Bay Area Campus.

“It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, either — even a 15-minute coffee break with a friend can be fun and rejuvenating.” She also suggests taking advantage of email, social media and phone calls to stay connected with friends when you’re too busy to meet in person.

Explain my needs, and be flexible.

A busy life requires more flexibility when it comes to socializing. “Share my situation and advocate for my own needs when communicating with friends,” Baker says. She suggests finding ways to meet that fit in with my existing life demands, like short social visits at home scheduled between study sessions, or, if you have kids, carpooling and scheduling playdates with other working parents.

“Going out to parties or to the movies isn’t always going to be feasible, so make sure my friends understand that,” she advises.

Take time for yourself.

It’s hard to be a social butterfly when you’re burned out. “If you want to connect with people socially, you first have to be connected to yourself,” Baker explains. She recommends taking some personal time each week to help recharge my batteries and relieve stress. “Take a hot bath, read a book for pleasure, take a walk or catch a nap.”

Seek out others with similar lifestyles.

You’re more likely to find people who understand my busy lifestyle when they juggle many of the same demands you do. “I have seen many strong, lasting friendships develop among my classes’ learning teams at University of Phoenix, simply because my students are all dealing with similar issues,” Baker says. Her students have organized everything from in-class potlucks to study groups to social outings.

Know when to walk away.

Not all friendships are created equal. “Friendships do ebb and flow depending on my lives’ demands,” Baker says. “If you feel that maintaining a certain friendship has become too stressful, one-sided or emotionally draining, it’s a good sign to let that friendship fade.” Baker suggests focusing instead on building relationships with people who understand my life at this moment and want to be a part of it.