Adults Archives - Family Counseling Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive™

Love yourself daily!

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Fri, 10 Jan 2025 04:57:12 +0000

Love Yourself Daily

Therapy2Thrive® Pleasanton

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Love yourself daily!

Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist, NCC in Pleasanton

We have become enthralled by the world and what others have to say about us. Whether the message comes from gossip or from what Facebook or Instagram “Likes” or doesn’t. This can be fun and exciting but it only lasts for a few moments. We can obsess on media to approve of who we are or we can trust ourselves by looking inside to define how truly unique and extraordinary we are!

Take these 4 tools to connect with yourself without counting on technology to approve of you:

Think It Daily!

Think of two positive things that you can repeat to yourself daily. These can be behaviors; (I am a good driver), feelings (I am excited today) or things you like (I love my humorous view on life!)

Say It Daily!

Say two positive things you believe about yourself daily. “I am a good friend!”, “I love to cook,” or things like “I like to help others, “I’m a great reader!”.

Do It Daily!

Do at least one nice thing to take care of “you” daily. It can be simple and healthy. Eat my favorite healthy snack, skip down the street, take the stairs, park in the shade, call my best friend, take my lunch break.

Cultivate a sacred moment Daily!

Every person’s view of what is sacred to them is unique, but it can be anything and everything from watching a hummingbird drink from a feeder to watching a sunset or saying a sacred prayer. Take a moment to find my sacred moment that fits for you every day.

Find my way toward a daily practice by trying these 4 tools. You will feel better if you work from the inside out! If you feel overwhelmed, pick one; think it daily. Change begins with one small thing. Thinking a new thought is a huge change and a great way to start!

Contact Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist for individual counseling in Pleasanton.

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5 ways to keep my social life alive when you’re super busy

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Thu, 09 Jan 2025 03:17:39 +0000

Is Guilt the Focus of Your Parenting?

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by Jill Elaine Hughes a discussion with Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist Pleasanton

When you’re busy juggling work, school and raising a family, having a vibrant social life is probably the last thing on my mind. But socializing and maintaining friendships is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. Here, five expert tips on how to stay plugged into the social scene despite competing demands:

Put social events on my calendar.

“Make a point to fit social activities into my schedule each week like [you do] any other task or appointment,” says Leslie Baker, a licensed marriage and family therapist and area chair in the master’s in counseling program at the University of Phoenix Bay Area Campus.

“It doesn’t have to be a lot of time, either — even a 15-minute coffee break with a friend can be fun and rejuvenating.” She also suggests taking advantage of email, social media and phone calls to stay connected with friends when you’re too busy to meet in person.

Explain my needs, and be flexible.

A busy life requires more flexibility when it comes to socializing. “Share my situation and advocate for my own needs when communicating with friends,” Baker says. She suggests finding ways to meet that fit in with my existing life demands, like short social visits at home scheduled between study sessions, or, if you have kids, carpooling and scheduling playdates with other working parents.

“Going out to parties or to the movies isn’t always going to be feasible, so make sure my friends understand that,” she advises.

Take time for yourself.

It’s hard to be a social butterfly when you’re burned out. “If you want to connect with people socially, you first have to be connected to yourself,” Baker explains. She recommends taking some personal time each week to help recharge my batteries and relieve stress. “Take a hot bath, read a book for pleasure, take a walk or catch a nap.”

Seek out others with similar lifestyles.

You’re more likely to find people who understand my busy lifestyle when they juggle many of the same demands you do. “I have seen many strong, lasting friendships develop among my classes’ learning teams at University of Phoenix, simply because my students are all dealing with similar issues,” Baker says. Her students have organized everything from in-class potlucks to study groups to social outings.

Know when to walk away.

Not all friendships are created equal. “Friendships do ebb and flow depending on my lives’ demands,” Baker says. “If you feel that maintaining a certain friendship has become too stressful, one-sided or emotionally draining, it’s a good sign to let that friendship fade.” Baker suggests focusing instead on building relationships with people who understand my life at this moment and want to be a part of it.

Therapy2Thrive™ brings Hope for Healing

Your counselor at Therapy2Thrive™ provide compassionate, practical, and evidenced based practices to assist you in the therapeutic process to meet your goals and find hope to heal the challenges you are facing.

Contact my family counselor in Pleasanton for private consultation.

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When Men Come to Counseling

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Fri, 15 Sep 2017 03:04:41 +0000

When Men Come to Counseling

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When Men Come to Counseling

People often ask me if men actually come to counseling and if so, what do they do there anyway. I get questions such as: Why do men avoid coming to counseling? Why should I go to counseling, all I have to do is “man-up” and control my feelings….right? How do I get my husband to go? Don’t they just tell you the same thing everyone does? Well, as both a man, and a therapist I have noticed a few things about men and counseling and perhaps these might help if you are struggling.

First, men often come to counseling with great hesitation and reluctance. It seems that we, as men, are taught that asking for help or support when we are struggling is a sign of weakness and if we reach out we will be treated as such.

Men often come to my counseling room when they are struggling so much that they are feeling at their wits end and like their lives are totally unmanageable. As opposed to women who generally ask for support from friends, family members, and from professional counseling when they feel overwhelmed and worried they might not be able to navigate an issue, we, as men usually try to tough out personal and emotional problems and pain. That often leads to my utilizing ways of dealing with my issues which only contributes to my strain such as drinking, withdrawing from my friends and family, distancing from my passions, and turning any hurt or pain into anger.
When we do come to counseling it is usually at the stern request (i.e. demand) of my significant other. Men often tell me that they are in counseling because their wife has issued an ultimatum…”go to counseling or your marriage will be over”. In essence, most men enter the counseling room both under protest and in fear of losing their marriage and family. This is a tough way to start and although I welcome anyone who walks into the counseling room I often think about how much men suffer in their hearts and heads before finally seeking help.

So, what brings men into counseling, and is it different from what brings women to the room? My experience is that we all struggle with human issues. However, I do see some recurring themes that men bring into the counseling room. First, extremely harmful self-criticism is often a component to men’s struggles and surprisingly that self-criticism is something that we believe to be one of my biggest self-motivators. Overall, I find that the levels of self-criticism we impose on ourselves do a great deal of harm and are not something we ever find a way out of. Self-criticism has a way of building on itself so that no matter what we accomplish there is always an area on which we focus that tells us we are not good enough or that we should have done something better, faster, with more skill, or been more successful. So often we have framed my self criticism as the way we motivate ourselves to change or do better but usually the result is that we have a constant drill sergeant in my head pointing out every miss-step, every fault, and every imperfection. This is a hard way to live and most of us move through my lives not realizing how much damage that voice does to us every day.

I also see that we, as men often have expectations of ourselves that do a lot of harm. I usually expect that we can and should be able to handle everything that comes my way with at best total competency and at worst a cool indifference to any level of emotionality. This is why it is so common that the loss of a job, the death of a family member, or a shift in a relationship brings unexpected intense emotional reactions that quickly overwhelm us. I am taught to expect a non-emotional reaction from ourselves. If we do feel powerful emotions we equate those with something being wrong with us.

When we treat ourselves like this through my lives it leads to feeling emotionally disconnected from others, a lack of ability to know how to be open with my loved ones, a need to escape (often through alcohol, drugs, porn), depression, and anxiety.

In the 1840’s Henry David Thoreau wrote “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” I read these words when I was young and didn’t understand it at that time. Through my years working with men in the counseling room I’ve come to learn that Thoreau’s words are true and that we as men usually suffer silently in my inner world, living in a lonely isolated place.

The good news is we need not suffer in this way. There is help, and with a bit of work and growth I see men find ways to connect deeply with their families and their wives. I see men overcome the self-criticism they didn’t realize was destroying their self-esteem, and I see men built support and connections in healthy ways which gives them the ability to navigate through the losses and struggles that life throws in everyone’s path.

If you are struggling, reach out. Counseling can and does work for men if we allow ourselves to accept that through growth and healing we can find a path to being the man, the father, the husband we hope to be.

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Therapy2Thrive® brings Hope for Healing

Your counselor at Therapy2Thrive® provide compassionate, practical, and evidenced based practices to assist you in the therapeutic process to meet your goals and find hope to heal the challenges you are facing.

Contact my family counselor in Pleasanton for private consultation.

CONTACT OUR COUNSELOR

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Why Play? For Adults!

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Mon, 18 Apr 2016 05:07:32 +0000

Manage Stress

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Why Play? For Adults!

Manage Stress Through Play Therapy

Here are some reasons for adults to play:

Build Brain Power: problem solving, and strength & flexibility
Learn about Emotions (Yours and Others)
Build Better Social Skills
Feel Better: about yourself, about others, about the world
Reduce Stress Levels
It’s FUN and JOYFUL!!

And, here are some ideas for how to play:

Try out all those buttons, tiles, or links in the software you use.
Don’t let my children have all the fun – Join In!
Pick some new hobbies or restart some old ones.
Go to a park and use the swings.
Read the comics or a joke book.
Try some coloring or use play dough.

Take a little time and have some fun today. It’s good for you!

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A Positive Approach to Creating Change in Your Life!

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Thu, 10 Mar 2016 14:24:44 +0000

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A Positive Approach to Creating Change in Your Life!

Mylives are like a stone thrown into a lake. I create ripples that change everything around us. How can we act in a way that will create positive results around us and in us?

Talk about what’s going on to relieve stress.
Going into a trying situation? Decide to practice patience before you start, then take a deep breath and dive in.
Ask for what you need. As much as we would like, mindreading is not most people’s strong point!
Do a kind something for another daily.
Remember what you’re thankful for and express it.
Smiles are contagious, be a carrier.

Resolve to create change instead of being changed by the world. The guided meditation below, “Flute Lights,” may assist you in being part of change.

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5 Ways to Strike a Better Work-Life Balance

Pleasanton Therapy 2 Thrive — Mon, 22 Feb 2016 08:16:44 +0000

Work-life Balance

Therapy2Thrive® BLOG

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5 Ways to Strike a Better Work-Life Balance

Managing Stress

In an age when work follows you home on my laptop, and home life can intrude on office time in email and cellphone calls, it’s hard to strike a balance between my career and the rest of my life. And yet, according to Leslie Baker, a licensed marriage and family therapist and instructor in the counseling program at the University of Phoenix Bay Area Campus, you can — and you must.

“Identifying my priorities and setting boundaries are imperative in creating a better work-life balance,” she says.

Here are five steps toward striking that important equilibrium:

Leave work at the office.

Try keeping my laptop closed — and my work phone switched off — between the time you arrive home from work and the time you go to bed. Make it clear to co-workers that you’re unavailable after, say, 6 pm and on weekends. And treat paid holidays as something other than a chance to catch up on my work. Likewise, Baker says, don’t handle personal matters — making doctor appointments, phoning my kids’ teachers about their schoolwork — while at the office.

Minimize the wasteful stuff

Pinpoint activities that enhance my professional or private life, and keep those on my schedule. Lunching twice a week with a colleague who only wants to complain about my team leader is probably a waste of my time. Spending hours cruising social media and auction sites might be a waste, too. Baker suggests setting aside a specific, short time to wander the web, and sticking to it.

Eat right, sleep well and get moving.

You can’t find balance anywhere without good health. Make time to pack a healthy lunch, or frequent places near the office that offer wholesome choices. Get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. And make exercise a priority, no matter how busy my schedule. Baker says that even a little physical activity each day will boost my energy level and my ability to stay focused.

Outsource my errands.

Know my strengths, Baker says, and lean on others to do what you can’t or don’t have time for. Order postage stamps and groceries online. Send out dry cleaning — and laundry that requires ironing — to a place that will pick up and deliver. And consider hiring a housekeeper.

Schedule play dates.

Set aside a daily or weekly time to spend with family and friends, doing something that’s far from my workaday world. A movie date with my spouse not only provides a respite, Baker points out, but also gives you something to look forward to. An upcoming lunch with a friend can act as an incentive for you to stay on task, in order to keep that date.

Finally, plan an annual trip with family or friends, and use every minute of my paid vacation. You’ve worked hard, and you deserve it.

By Robert Pela a conversation with Leslie Baker, Marriage and Family Therapist at Therapy2Thrive, a family counseling center in Pleasanton

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